“It is a feeling that I don’t think you can ever replicate outside of a birth environment. I haven’t experienced birth any other way yet, but from feeling absolutely everything I went through without even so much as Panadol, my body’s hormones were working overtime and the absolute elation and euphoria took over. I remember just seeing him and looking up at Sam, and turning between Sam’s face and Mel’s with genuine astonishment and shock, mouth open and eyes wild as if asking ‘do you see this?! Do you see what I see?!’ It was just crazy to know that a baby had just come out of me and he was mine!”
Marnie, Peaceful Birthing Mother
It was 7:30pm on Monday 6th May 2024 when I felt my first contraction. Sam and I were watching The Mentalist at home when I felt it, turned to Sam and said ‘I think I just felt one!’ I was 8 days ‘late’, and we were supposed to receive the ‘induction’ chat from my midwife the following day. I was lucky enough to be with MGP so my midwife knew I really didn’t want to be induced which she was supportive of, but hospital policy meant we had to be briefed on it anyway.
Sam and I kept watching our episode when another contraction came 20 minutes later, and then again, and then again. We were excited that this meant meeting our baby boy, and relieved that this didn’t mean induction (if all went well!), but tried to stay relaxed and calm and decided it was time to pack the car. Once everything was in order, we hopped in to bed early to try and rest. It was 9pm at this stage.
” I was able to sleep for about an hour before the contractions started waking me up and I was unable to sleep through them. The surge feeling is hard to describe – it started off feeling like badly trapped gas that you couldn’t get out that twisted your stomach a little, and then as they continued, it really did feel like intense period cramping. “
At around 10pm, I got up, put on one of my playlists, hooked myself up to a tens machine, and hopped on the bouncy ball while I let Sam sleep. I was managing okay on my own for another couple of hours as I was moving on the ball and focussing on my deep breaths (in for 4, out for 4 is the breathing pattern I went with). By this stage, I was tracking them at about 5-6 minutes apart. It was just before midnight when I woke Sam for some added support, and I hopped in the shower. I eventually found that the most relieving position for my contractions was sitting in the shower with my back against the wall, letting the water hit my belly and legs without needing to stand. This honestly got me through the next few hours so well! It was only until our hot water started running out (😅) that I got out and hopped back on the ball. The surges became a lot more intense and dare I say, extremely painful, as soon as I hopped out of the water. By this stage it was about 2am and they were about 3-4 minutes apart. We began running a bath (with Sam pouring boiling water from the kettle in to help with our hot water issue!) when everything just stopped.
“The length between surges died down completely, returning to 6 minutes apart, then 3 minutes, then 10 minutes etc. It was quite disheartening and frustrating. I had just spent the whole night in my zone, practicing my breathing techniques and pushing through the intense surges thinking that we would be calling the hospital within an hour or two, when everything stilled. These sporadic surges continued for the next 20 hours.”
Unable to get proper sleep, I tried to rest as much as I could between surges. Walking around the yard, kneeling down and semi-lying on the bouncy ball, and trying to close my eyes where I could. This was the frustrating part of the process! I kept on reminding myself that my body and my baby were just working it out, and that they knew what to do, it would just take time. After calling my midwife to clarify that this was all normal, she put my mind at ease that this ‘early labour’ was very normal and could even take a few days. Great! 🥲
In hindsight, it sounds strange but this was almost the worst part of my birth. Granted, the later stages of labour is far more intense and *painful*, but this early phase made it soo difficult to get into a meditative state and to zone in, because the surges would just JUMP on you, with no rhyme or reason. Whereas, once I was in active labour, i knew when to expect the surges, was able to prepare, and could look forward to KNOWING that I was closer and closer each time. Speaking of active labour…
Fast forward to 4:30pm on the Tuesday (now 9 days past ‘estimated date’) and the surges began picking up again. Praise God!
“By this stage I was soo ready to progress and get back into my zone. I found sitting on my ball and rolling my hips side to side during surges, with the tens machine on, affirmation cards / bible verses in front of me, and Sam rubbing and tickling my back and counting me through my breathing helped soo much. I would tap him when a surge started so he knew when to start up again, and then would tap him when it was over, and we’d return to relaxing, chatting, or just listening to our playlist.“
I’d mix up positions by standing and leaning on him, with my arms around his neck. From these two positions, I was in a good headspace and felt like I was in my ‘zone’. 5:30pm rolls around and Mel (one of my best friends) calls and says she’ll drop around some dinner for us so we can eat as we go. By the time she arrives, we are in the thick of it! Timing surges, breathing in for 4, out for 4, and progressing really well. She walks in, we look at each other and just begin crying! With the emotions, my body already teetering on exhaustion from the past 22 hours, and just seeing another familiar face caught my tear ducts off guard 😂
“Mel jumped right in and began tickling my back and supporting me so that Sam could sneak off and eat, and oh my goodness, her nails and massage were absolute pain relief!! She did such an amazing job that Sam was able to sneak off for a nap and she took over supporting me through surges for a while. “
Sam woke up 1.5 hrs later to us calling the hospital warning them that I’d be coming in soon! It was about 7:30pm and my surges had been 3 minutes apart for 1 minute each time for the past hour. We ended up staying at home for another 45 minutes because I was honestly LOVING the vibe at home and knew I was progressing so well that I didn’t want it to slow down. I also really didn’t want to be sent back home if I hadn’t progressed enough in hospital standards. But we got to a stage where we knew it was time to go in, so we called my student midwife and MGP midwife, Hannah, and let them know to meet us there. By the time we left, my surges were 1.5 minutes apart, each surge lasting 1 minute and the length between surges were getting shorter and shorter by about 5 seconds every single time.
“Our teamwork with Mel and Sam was working so well at home that we ended up asking Mel if she wanted to come to the hospital with us, and she did! So we jumped in our cars and off we went. We kept the music going in the car, and I was quite proud of how I was able to stay relaxed and in my zone throughout not only the car ride, but also throughout the process of moving into a birthing suite and setting ourselves up. My surges stayed about 1.5 minutes apart during this time. “
We arrived (around 8:30pm) and my student midwife had beat us there and had already started running a bath as she knew I was hoping for a water birth, and had already made the room moody and calm with the fairy lights on and main lights off. We put on our speaker and waited for our midwife Hannah to arrive. As we had discussed previously, Hannah had warned that she may need to do a vaginal examination as part of hospital policy to allow me in the water, and we had decided that we were okay for this to happen if that meant we were able to settle in and keep tracking along ourselves. Once Hannah arrived, she did ask if she could check how far along I was, and I agreed. I had asked her about the benefits of doing a speculum check instead, and in the end, I went for a quick vaginal exam as it was going to be much quicker and a bit less invasive apparently. I was still a bit nervous about this initially as I had heard it can be quite uncomfortable, but honestly, the only uncomfortable thing about this was needing to be on my back for that brief time. Luckily she did it extremely quickly, so I only had one surge where I asked them to help me onto my side as I was lying down during the surge, then I moved back onto my back once the surge was over. She checked me, and was surprised with how far along I was. She said she was impressed with my pain management considering how far I was. The curiosity got the better of me and I said ‘if you think I’ll be encouraged, can you please tell me how dilated I am?’ And she said ‘you should be very impressed with yourself. You’re at least a 7, maybe even an 8’. Yay!!
“So with that, I got straight into the shower and Sam went and brought in our hospital bags. It wouldn’t be long until we had our baby! Sam and Mel alternated holding the shower head on my belly and Sam ended up jumping in with me so I could lean on him during surges. After about an hour in the shower, it was time for the bath! It was about 10:30pm at this stage.”
The water was HEAVEN! I had purposefully been trying to hold off on the bath as I knew this would be the highest form of natural pain relief, so I hadn’t wanted to ‘begin’ it too early. But honestly, I just got to a stage when I knew I needed it, and when I hopped in, it was so so relieving. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t take away the ‘pain’, and I was needing Sam’s help more and more in talking me through my surges and counting in and out for me, but the release and weight off my body was wonderful.
“Mel was feeding me ice chips in between surges in the bath, ensured I had a cool cloth on my forehand, and was tickling my arms draped over the bath. Sam was holding my other hand and I remember as we were about 30 minutes from pushing, he started having to remind me to relax my jaw as he was counting me through surges, and it would take more and more mental strength to force my jaw and shoulders to keep relaxing. “
I get to the stage where I can feel him literally coming further down, and the urge to push begins to roll in with every surge. All of this time I had internalised everything during surges, but when I began pushing, there were noises coming out that I had zero control over, and I honestly did not care! Apparently at one stage I made a certain noise that the midwives looked at each other knowingly, and discreetly put on their gloves, grabbed the mirror and went around behind the bath to get ready to catch 😂
“I will never forget the feeling of my body absolutely taking over and pushing involuntarily. It was after two ‘pushes’ that I had a few moments in between surges of thinking ‘I can’t do this’. It was so overwhelming, and honestly, scary, to realise that the only way out of this was forward, and that it was happening whether I wanted to continue or not! My body was literally expelling him, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But everyone really picked up the encouragement, and were consistently reinforcing to me that we were almost there, and that I was, in fact, doing it. “
I remember the song that was playing during this time was the instrumental version of ‘this is how I fight my battles’. I was singing the lyrics in my head ‘this is how I fight my battles, this is how I fight my battles. It may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You.’ The comfort this song brought me as I reminded myself that God was with me and surrounding me in this moment. The whole labour really was such a spiritual experience for me.
The sensation of feeling him coming down through my cervix was OUT OF THIS WORLD. In the first few pushes, the stretch sensation was so crazy that I remember thinking ‘surely his head is basically out! There’s no more stretch to give!’ And then the next surge would come and it would stretch even further, and I would think ‘holy crap! Okay NOW there’s no more stretch to give!’ And then it would happen again. At one point I turned to Sam in sheer desperation and hope asking ‘Is that his head?’ And Sam could see at that point he was just crowning
I was grateful for the breaks in between pushes though because I knew that it meant it gave my body time to stretch and relax, but it was a pretty uncomfortable feeling. I forgot to mention that my waters hadn’t broken yet. In fact, the first thing I pushed out were my waters still in a sac. It was just dangling between my legs until his head began crowning and then it burst.
Finally, we came to the push where his head came through and popped down. The relief I tell you! I knew the next push or two was going to be easier, and that the hardest part was done. Next push, sure enough, his shoulders emerged and the rest of his body slid out with them. All I remember is Hannah, my midwife, saying ‘pick him up mumma! Reach down and pick him up!’
I cry every time I recall the moment of reaching down into the bloodied water and picking up Roman. He had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, so I quickly just detangled that, and put him to my chest. Again, the emotions and wave of relief that rolled over me was out of this world. It is a feeling that I don’t think you can ever reciprocate outside of a birth environment. I haven’t experienced birth any other way yet, but from feeling absolutely everything I went through without even so much as Panadol, my body’s hormones were working overtime and the absolute elation and euphoria took over. I remember just seeing him and looking up at Sam, and turning between Sam’s face and Mel’s with genuine astonishment and shock, mouth open and eyes wild as if asking ‘do you see this?! Do you see what I see?!’ It was just crazy to know that a baby had just come out of me and he was mine!
After a few moments, Hannah then said that they wanted to get me out of the water to be able to assess the amount of blood I was losing. So they rolled the bed over and everyone lifted me out of the water with Roman still on my chest. They were slightly concerned by the amount of blood I had, so they did ask if they could do the placenta injection. I agreed, but asked that they wait until after the cord was clamped. So after waiting for the cord to turn white and stop pulsating, they clamped it and injected me. Sam cut the cord, and we had some precious hours with Roman skin to skin.
During that time, I birthed the placenta. They literally kneaded my stomach and gently tugged on the umbilical cord, and let me tell you – the rubbing belly part is NOT fun! Especially considering all the adrenaline has rubbed off by now. The worst part that I hadn’t expected was when they needed to check me for tearing. Everything was swollen, red, and in shock down there. To even touch anything down there hurt, but they had to reach in and feel around whilst rubbing my belly again to see if there were tears. THAT was the most painful part of everything I swear 😂 No adrenaline, and I was heaving gasps of air onto Roman as I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me, which then made him cry 😂 It wasn’t a pleasant time. Note for next time – get gas for the stitching up bit! I did have minor tears, but not in the normal perineal spot. Apparently I had very minor tearing considering it was my first time. I owe it all to the perineal massage I did in the weeks leading up, so I’m making a mental note to definitely do that next time.
But throughout it all, we still had our music going, lights off and fairy lights on, and it was beautiful.
Eventually they weighed him, checked him, and then gave him to Sam for some skin to skin while I showered.
It was about 4:30am by the time we moved from the birthing suite to the maternity ward, wheeling Roman in his little bassinet after a good 3+ hours of holding him.
We were taken to our room, and after handover and saying goodbye to our beautiful midwives, we set up Sam’s bed and got some sleep.
Already the pain has been wiped from memory, but I do know that it was the hardest thing I have ever done, and will ever have to do, but it was also the most rewarding. The moment I picked Roman up in my arms, was the moment I knew that God’s purpose for me was to be a mum, and there is no greater joy or sense of purpose I think I will ever get than knowing I’m entrusted with this little, precious soul. My body did what it was created to do, and I’m so so proud of myself for doing it.
Welcome earthside baby Roman!
Roman was born on 8th May 2024 at 12.38am